Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
