just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
