Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
