addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
