Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
