So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize