His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
