Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
