He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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