She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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