After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize