I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
