I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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