well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
