Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think I died a long time ago.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
