Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize