Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
