One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
