Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
