I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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