he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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