My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize