there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
