i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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