You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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