I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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