I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
