Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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