Nicole vs. Life
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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