i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
