This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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