Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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