u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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