the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
