Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
