so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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