What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
