I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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