Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
