Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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