You're so nebulous sometimes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
