It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
