It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
