That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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