you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
