do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize