So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
