in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have fence marks all over my body
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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