I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
