Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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