So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
