help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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