my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
