the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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