By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
