I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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