okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
