Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize