My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This girl is more easily done than said...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
