update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I touched a dick in church today
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
