Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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