We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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