I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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