Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize