I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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