I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Green mimosas i think yes
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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