i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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