dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
