I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
