I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize