i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize