The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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