I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
