So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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