i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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