you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
