Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
