I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
