drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize