just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
