I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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