Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
