bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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