Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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