Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize