I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't turn off my feet"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
