so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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