im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
