We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
