I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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