Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize