man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
