pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
