dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
