i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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