my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
