sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
