So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
