I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
