...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
