I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
