what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize