I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
